NaNoWriMo Year Five: The NSFPureMinds Version

Or: What in the name of all that is sacred or profane am I doing?

There's something participating in National Novel Writing Month does to you, year after year: makes you fear for your own sanity.
Much as I love it, and proudly wear my writing geekdom with pride, and encourage (faithfully and truly) other people to participate, I acknowledge the mind-shattering marathon that is attempting to write a novel in a month. It is a crazy idea.
It's also a fantastic one.
It's magical.

(Yeah, I got caught up in the leprechaun nonsense of GLEE last night. I'm a sucker for blue eyes, a cute brogue, and a stunning voice. No apologies for it.)

Every year within the first few days I experience the trauma of the OMGWTFs. It can paralyze a writer to start contemplating the 'what ifs' and the 'why the hell am I doing this-es' and the 'everything I write is crap so why bothers' of it all. It can paralyze you at any time. The added pressure of thinking you have to complete something as massive as an entire novel in one month can daunt you into a fear spiral so dark it causes the worst possible black hole: the 'I can't do it so why even bother' hole.

You know what?
Fuck that hole.
Take a giant phallus of words and plug that hole up good. Show that hole the plot it's been missing. Use that hole up with great big sentences inspired by writing prompt, plot bunnies, song lyrics, and everyday objects like carrots and long glass tubes and staplers.
Screw that hole good by showing it you know best.
Then walk away from that hole, satisfied in the knowledge that you fucked it so well it exploded into the brilliant light of inspiration.
Then keep writing. All month long.

And THAT is your pornographic NaNoWriMo analogy of the week.

It's also about 300 words. That's a powerful amount of foreplay for starting work on your novel today.

Just to complete the inspirational mental screwing, here's a picture of Arthur Pendragon, wet, in front of a waterfall.

Yeah, you KNOW you can write something about that.

Falling on Swords While Falling for Wizards

One of the ‘joys’ of moving is potentially losing one’s DVR forever and thus all the awesome hours of television contained within (though if DirecTV can mount a dish on the side of our complex, we probably won’t lose it… still, one can never be too careful when it comes to precious television – teacher, mother, secret lover). While packing this weekend I watched a slew of movies* along with a couple hours of mindless television and five episodes of Merlin.
Out of all this stimulation, I found myself surprised (though I shouldn’t be) that what affected and stuck with me most was Merlin, particularly one of the scenes toward the end of "The Changeling." Seeing Merlin finally starting to take the reigns as more than Arthur’s servant, beginning to become his adviser, really exposes some of the depth and complexity added to the series throughout season three. It only gets deeper from this episode forward, but even this singular moment in an otherwise ‘creature of the week silliness’ episode points toward better and more in-depth stories as the series continues to progress.
It’s also pretty damned adorable to hear Colin Morgan’s tone of voice shift when Merlin’s allowed to be adviserly.

From a personal standpoint, the destiny-laden, ceremonial sword stabbing doesn’t feel so far removed from situations I’ve experienced (and some I am currently experiencing), which makes the ancient ‘rules’ of chivalry, duty, and honor seem less removed from daily modern life than they typically feel. While we’re not all destined to rule kingdoms, or advise on how to do so, or charged with the protection of VIPs and/or entire nations, we all have aspects of our life for which we are (or feel) utterly culpable as individuals and sometimes it seems easier to throw ourselves on the ceremonial sword rather than face up to what we know is right, rather than give into something out of a sense of duty or tradition.

As a writer and English major I’ve often felt that one of the great benefits my degree has over my writing is that it taught me all the rules so I would know how and why I break them, when I do. Granted, I learned tons of nifty tidbits about life, society, history, industry, creativity, war, love, pain, beauty, theatre, poetry, music, politics and what makes the world worth living in for different folks at different points in our shared history. Still, much like Arthur following his instinct (and Merlin’s advice) to do what feels right and not just what is expected of him, I feel that with both writing and life we all need a reminder once in a while that traditions can and should be broken when there is reason compelling enough to alter them.


Love, in an unselfish and giving state, complicated as it can be, is a damn good reason to buck against tradition in favor of creating something better.


*Slew = Eight. Miranda, Pygmalion, Only Angels Have Wings, Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker, Bride & Prejudice, Pride & Prejudice, and Sneakers


Merlin: I've brought you your ceremonial sword.
Arthur: Is that for me to fall on?
Merlin: Hopefully not. What's wrong?
Arthur: You wouldn't understand, Merlin. You have no idea what it's like to have a destiny you can't escape.
Merlin: Destinies are troublesome things. You feel trapped. Like your whole life has been planned out for you and you've got no control over anything and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all.
Arthur: How come you're so knowledgeable?
Merlin: I read a book.
Arthur: And what would this book tell you? Should I marry her?
Merlin: It's not really my place to say, sire.
Arthur: I'm asking you, it's your job to answer.
Merlin: If you really want to know what I think? I think you're mad. I think you're all mad. People should marry for love, not convenience. And if Uther thinks an unhappy king makes for a stronger kingdom, then he's wrong because you may be destined to rule Camelot but you have a choice... as to how you do it.

Vexing Visages

Though not always...
While not always on a wide range of topics, my dreams lately are more vivid and, in theory, inspiring than they've been in months. Apparently actually allowing myself the time to sleep as well as not running ragged with work and theatre (together) allows my subconscious some reign over sleep and let's my fears, thoughts, and fantasies have more sway. Disturbing as some of these dreams have been (woke up in a cold sweat the other night from dreaming about being an 'accidental' baby killer -- of what would be my own sister), the quality of construction and vivid sensory material makes them seem not only ultra-realistic, but a welcome distraction to life -- and so much better than months of dreaming about 'the show,' my cast, work, etc. (Apologies to cast & crew of 'the show' and any co-workers who might read this. You're all awesome, but I see you in waking life and don't need a constant stream of you in my dreams.)

While upon waking and getting into my day these dreams rarely stay clear in my mind (I might need to start a dream journal), some of the images stay clear for hours. Right now I have the image of my dream forest -- a tangled web of decaying trees which appeared more as twisted, skeletal branches reaching in every direction to form a thicketed path to wander through, daring anyone who approaches to enter and emerge from the same location. This dream also featured a young man: tall, pale, with dark, spiky hair and piercing eyes, who sometimes appeared translucent, other times as a silhouette, but always in the realest of real physicality. The only time I remember seeing his features and form in dreamy technicolor came when we were reunited after many separations and he reached out a hand, touched my face and became as clear and solid as anyone before kissing me.

I've had several Colin Morgan centered dreams, likely due to my playing Merlin every night to fall asleep. Some are with Merlin, others with Colin. All are pretty damn pleasing ;)

Whatever the content and caliber of these dreams, all those I remember upon waking leave me with very specific emotions tied to the dreams, as though they continue even during wakeful hours, and a pressing need to do something about or with the images which my mind creates. I don't know what that something is, but I hope my subconscious continues building new worlds long enough for me to get something productive from all this.

Dollop-headed clotpole

“Come on, dollop head. I need you to recover. Listen to me, clotpole. I don’t care if you die. There are plenty of other princes. You’re not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal… imbecile I could work for; the world is full of them. But I am going to give you one more chance.”

Me? Obsessed with a BBC show starring a lanky, pale Irish boy with sculpted facial features and piercing blue eyes? A show that takes all Arthurian legends and says, "to hell with them, we're going to have fun... occasionally homo-erotic fun, but in a family-friendly way..." and doesn't care what die-hard Arthurian critics say? A show that was designed for the non-snobs? Ha! How could I ever love such a show?
Yeah. I do. Oh-so-ever-loving much. What makes Merlin work for me is the dynamic between the characters. I don't care what color anyone's skin is, or what varying accent they carry, or that there's more sexual tension between Merlin and Arthur than any other characters -- I care that those dynamics work. As the show progresses, the cast and crew continue to work harder and harder at developing these characters even while dealing with ridiculous scenarios and written-into-a-corner plot devices.
What sells the show more than anything is Colin Morgan as Merlin. When he's silly it's adorable. When he's getting abused it's entertaining. When emotions get real, he brings the level of the entire show up with just a flicker of his eyes. He's got magic inside him to be sure -- the magic of performance. I hope someday there's a film or series written for two Irish brothers with Colin Morgan and Jonathan Rhys Meyers... of course then I'd have to watch every episode at least three times. Once for Colin, once for JRM and once for both of them... and maybe once more for actual plot.
Point is, as cheesy as a show like Merlin can be, it's also proof that solid acting and passionate creativity aren't limited to art-house pictures or series on AMC. Not every series needs to be a hard-hitting drama or high-concept comedy or time-jumping, fast-edited action-adventure.
Plus, there's the occasional very fun word thrown into dialogue. Like clotpole. Or dollop head. Or besotted. Or idiomatic...