Thankful Weekend

It's a bit hard to believe it's been almost six months since I wrote anything for this blog -- and yet not. The time has been spent in a whirlwind of unemployment, financial and personal panic, scrambling to find work and money and stave off depression, anxiety, and desperation (rather poorly), and finally, finding new employment. Though it is temporary, it's also full time, closer and better paying than my last job, and it's not for a soul-destroying company.
There's things to like and dislike about it already, but as a friend said this week, (paraphrasing) every job has bullshit -- even when you're doing what you love there are parts of it that suck, that's why it's work, but it's good when you find something that isn't killing you while you're doing it.
Also, while I still have multiple projects floating in the realm of not being done yet, I have done a lot of writing these past few months -- not as much as I intended, but when does that ever happen? Still, I managed to finalize an updated draft of the first novel I (co)wrote, submit for four fellowships in the space of a month (none of which it looks like I got, but have never submitted for any before, ever, it was still an accomplishment -- plus I drafted my first pilot and spec scripts), and win CampNaNoWriMo for the fist time -- coming away with more written for one story and another new on started.

So this morning I was thinking about how nice it is to have weekends back as something other than another day. Much as I'm not 100% behind the five day a week eight to nine (and sometimes more) hour work day grind, being unemployed for so long, the days really ran together and even when I tried to make myself stick to a schedule of keeping weekends as days of rest and rejuvenation, that rarely happened. Additionally, my never ending to-do list just kept overwhelming everything, not letting me enjoy most of the free time I tried to carve out for myself. In any event, I decided now is as good a time as any to offer up a list of things I'm thankful for having/doing this weekend as a reminder that weekends (and breaks in work routine in general), even when productive, should also be about spending time on things that bring you satisfactions and guide you to a more purposeful life outside of get up, work, come home, eat, try and relax, lather, rinse, repeat.

Finished (and generally) The Night Manager
Started Mr. Mercedes
Did all the household chores I set up for myself to do by noon Sunday... by noon Sunday
Took the time to do my nails -- fingers and toes
Grocery shopping at Trader Joes
An easing up on the "OMG IT BURNS" weather pattern
Packing up a friend's birthday gift for shipping after next payday
Did a few simple sketches just to flex long-neglected drawing muscles
Texted with a friend and basically decided to write a movie together
Wrote a damn blog post

Not bad for a 'still adjusting to full time work and having weekends "free" again' period -- and I still have some hours left to enjoy...

What Do You Mean No One Cares About My Problems?

Seriously. I'm awesome. At least I try to be. I work hard, especially doing the things I love. I even work hard doing things I don't love if they're necessary and/or I'm getting something useful from it. I may not work as hard, but my "getting by" with work is most people's excelling. That's not hyperbole, it's fact. If you look at my employment history, it's a clear cut distinction -- I work for you, I excel.
Except I can't seem to parlay that excellence into the fields that actually drive me. I keep excelling at doing stuff to just get by instead of excelling at what I know I'm meant to pursue.
But I forgot. No one cares. I'm one tiny speck of human dust among billions of other specks on this planet. Throwing pity parties for myself doesn't help me any more than it helps anyone else.
The issue is, as little as anyone else cares about my problems, they care the exact same amount about my abilities, talents, experience, knowledge, drive, passion, etc. How do you make your voice louder than others when no one cares what's being said? How do you stand out from the crowd when your number in the queue prevents you from being seen even when squinting into the distance? How do you go from excelling in a career that makes you hate yourself to excelling in a life calling?
Seriously, how?