"I am at a loss to conceive how a man should permit himself to write anything that would be truly disgraceful to a woman, or why a woman should be censured for writing anything that would be proper and becoming for a man."

25 October 2010

Demons Hate Pool Cleaners

Ten things I learned from Paranormal Activity 2 (a midnight showing, because it makes a difference -- especially when there are guys in the audience commenting on how they won't sleep that night)...
Overall, I enjoyed the sequel/prequel -- and yes it is both -- though it didn't leave me as disturbed as the original. However, I think midnight screenings with a close friend add to the descarifying of horror movies. It's a much more interactive experience to see a horror film late at night in a packed house. Screams mix with laughter and the world in front of you seems a little less dark. Still, I know I had freaky dreams from the craziness, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
Also, way to trick us marketing people on the film. You get points for that, though you lose them all for putting some of the most surprising/freaky (freakprising?) stuff in the new TV spots.

Beware the SPOILERS

Demons hate pool cleaners -- Why? No one knows. Perhaps they thrive in stagnant, de-chlorinated water. Or maybe they're just allergic to chlorine.

Hanging kitchen implements from racks is a BAD idea -- Doesn't matter if it's knives on magnetized blocks or pots and pans hanging over your breakfast island; your kitchen is dangerous enough as it is, don't tempt fate.

Dogs bark at a lot of senseless stuff, but that doesn't make them dumber than you -- Also, when your dog goes apeshit in the middle of the night then has a 'stroke' for no reason, you may not want to leave anyone in the house alone.

Never walk outside your house when you hear a knock and no one's at the door -- This is just good advice for life in general.

Don't fall asleep in front of the TV -- Has Poltergeist taught us nothing?

Listen to your superstitious household staff -- at least when weird shit starts to occur in your home. You may not believe in their hoo-doo (and it may not exist), but them praying and flashing around a few burnt herbs in your home definitely isn't going to hurt anything.

When you get locked out of your house by a mysterious entity, it helps to check ALL the footage of the house -- I mean, your dad may think the wind blew the door closed behind you, making you seem like an idiot teenager, but it's hard to ignore evidence of your baby brother being dragged out of his crib and wandering around the house at 11pm. And yet...

Teenagers aren't always as dumb as you may think, even in horror movies -- the smart ones, they may be the only ones to make it out alive. For now.

Don't have male children, especially if you come from an affluent family -- sorry to get gender specific, but if any relative makes a pact with an evil entity for wealth, power, happiness, etc. anyone who has kids in that family (potentially for generations to come) runs the risk of possession.

When all else fails, be sure to pawn off your horrible fate on other family members -- it's what good people do for each other. Of course, do that and your chances of dying via neck-snapping increase exponentially (which is no less than you deserve).


  1. I obviously need to *get* some superstitious house staff....

  2. Well, you could try it yourself, but don't be surprised if your dad kicks you out for performing crazy hoodoo he doesn't believe in. Of course, once out of the house you're safe from demonic attacks.
    See, horror movies CAN be educational!


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