"I am at a loss to conceive how a man should permit himself to write anything that would be truly disgraceful to a woman, or why a woman should be censured for writing anything that would be proper and becoming for a man."

13 October 2012

Facegrabbing Mother

Behind on book reviews, I know. I would blame being out of town enjoying life, stressing over submission deadlines, and fighting a nasty cold... but really: Northanger Abbey is just boring. I'm reminded of why I've never made it through this book before. I'm about thirty pages in and nothing interesting has happened. Nothing. There's beautiful prose assessing society and describing characters, but NOTHING has actually HAPPENED. I hate to give up, especially on Austen, but I am damn bored with this. I am, however, going to read The Vampyre because it actually is only about thirty pages. So look for that on Tuesday.

If book reviews aren't your thing, or you're desperate to read some of my stream of consciousness ramblings, look no further than the below: my live tweeting of watching Alien last night. Just scroll all the way down to the bottom of the entry and move up (I could have figured out how to do this chronologically but right now I'm just happy technology worked with me long enough to paste all the tweets -- we have not been friends this week).


This concludes the live tweeting of . Thank you for your patience. I kind of want to rent Aliens now...
13h
SERIOUSLY?!? Did the cat hide in the hyper sleep pod when no one was looking? 
13h
If the cat did not just die from science, I'm having words with Ridley Scott. 
13h
How did I never realize Ripley was singing "You Are My Lucky Star"?!?  
13h
Sorry, Ripley, but Eddie Dean kicked ass in a gunfight naked. You have forgotten the face of your father.  
13h
Ripley: Convenient spacesuit is convenient. It would be highly un-feminist of me to kill this bitch in my undies. 
13h
Me: How did the strobe lights start again? Facegrabber: They follow me everywhere. Be glad dubsteb doesn't as well. 
13h
Ripley: Sexy undies make me breathe heavily... wait... no... Facegrabber: Stowaway! Ehehehehehehe! 
13h
Ripley: It's ok, Kitty. We safe now. Kitty: Riiiiiiiight. Ripley: I'm just gonna strip for hyper sleep. 
13h
Ripley: Look at the pretty explosion... again... and again... and again... sleepy now. 
13h
Ripley: Time to run! Oh... KITTY! Let's go kitty. Only one minute left!
13h
As far as atmosphere goes, this sequence is amazing. Long dark corridors. Bursts of steam. Strobing lights. Flamethrower. Alarms.
13h
Ripley: Damnit, five minutes left. Not enough time. Mother, help me! Mother: You killed my robo-friend. Fuck you. 
13h
Hey Ripley, you forgot you precious kitty. The facegrabber will now try to PETA your ass. 
14h
Ripley: Time to escape... into the facegrabber's nest. Whoops. Tom Skerritt: kill... me... Ripley: No probs. *flamethrower* 
14h
I just likened the facegrabber to 's laugh... my universe is too diverse. 
14h
Ripley: Buttons pushed. Dials turned. Alarms activated. Ten minutes should be plenty of time to escape. Facegrabber: ehehehehehehe 
14h
Black guy: Woman, get away from the facegrabber! Woman: Eep! Eww! *cries* Facegrabber: I kill you both now. Me: y'all are idiots.
14h
OK, I love animals, but risking your life & that of two other people by looking for one damn cat is STUPID. 
14h
Ripley: I prepare shuttle for leaving. Leaving good. Wait, did I hear the kitty meow? Must investigate. 
14h
Ripley: You two go get us provisions. I'm going to stumble over my lines here. Ignore me and do as you're fucking told. 
14h
Ripley: How do we kill the facegrabber? Ian Holm: Science says it's impossible. Science knows all. Science is better than people. 
14h
Ripley: Talk, robot head. Ian Holm: Sorry, my mouth is still full of milk. *splargh* 
14h
And now Bilbo is doing his impersonation of Nearly Headless Nick: Robot Edition. 
14h
Ripley: So, team up, hunt the bitch down, and kill it. Ian Holm: I will smother you in the name of science and facegrabbing. 
14h
I think Mother needs to hook up with Joshua from . They could play globalthermonuclearfacegrab. 
14h
Facegrabber: Too late! You've been facegrabbed! n
14h
Tom Skerritt: you know what? I'm a coward. Let me out. Please. Now. 

Tom Skerritt: Sorry I've been a shit captain. Ripley, lock me in the vents w/ a flamethrower & the facegrabber to die a hero's death.
14h
It's raining blood! Harry Dean Stanton's blood! Oh, yeah! 
14h
TURN AROUND YOU DAFT MOTHERFUCKER. 
14h
Never go looking for a lost animal in the dark. Alone. Especially in a spaceship with a renegade facegrabber.  
14h
Aww, they put the three semi-sensible people all on the same team. They need to even out the stupidity odds & kill one, apparently.

Ian Holm: look, I made a motion detector to find the facegrabber. Yay science? Everyone: emo stare. 

14h
Thanks to , that dinner scene always reminds me of expectant parents. " is not REALLY about parenthood."
14h
Black dude: facegrabber spawn insploded our mate! Kill it! Ian Holm: NO! SCIENCE! 
14h
I love the cat just chill as can be in the background as everyone tries to keep John Hurt from exploding. 
14h
Hoo boy. Here it comes. I probably should not have just eaten.
14h
Everyone: How do you feel? John Hurt: like a facegrabbing alien shoved its seed down my throat. Can we go home? Everyone: SURE! 
14h
Ripley: Kill the acid-spit facegrabber! Ian Holm: NO! SCIENCE! Tom Skerritt: Shut the hell up I just want to go home. 
14h
Someone should do a horror attraction where facegrabbers jump out onto you. 
14h
Ripley: Let's chat. Ian Holm: SCIENCE! BIOLOGY! Ripley: You let this acid-spitting facegrabber on the ship, asshole! 
14h
Harry Dean Stanton has elected to do virtually nothing, which in these circumstances is not the worst idea. 
14h
I think Ian Holm's MO was that he thought he'd be the only Brit on the ship & has been trying the whole time to get rid of John Hurt.
14h
Tom Skerritt: we need to save John Hurt. Ian Holm: we need to save the facegrabber! 
14h
So far only two people in this movie are acting rationally: Ripley and the black guy. And we haven't even gotten to the scares yet. 
14h
Black guy: Why are we letting the facegrabber just hang out? Why don't we freeze it & John Hurt? Why didn't anyone listen to Ripley?
14h
Ripley: If we break quarantine we could all die. Everyone Else: fuck you, bitch. Let us in. Ian Holm: I'm Bilbo! I do what I want! 
15h
 egg: are you my mummy? *facegrab*
15h
John Hurt: Are these dragon eggs? Dragon eggs under pretty mist in a deep, dark pit? Let's take some home! 
15h
Ripley: Transmission looks like a warning. Should we... warn people? Ian Holm: Nope. Too late. If it's dangerous we're just screwed 
15h
John Hurt: hey guys, come look in this creepy pit I just found! Only awesome stuff could be in here, right? 
15h
It feels like Ian Holm is watching  with these tape blips. When's the invisible entity going to show up? 
15h
Random shot of kitty is random. You're not fooling me by pretending everything's fine, Ridley. 
15h
I miss the days when computer systems required a series of pretty lights to go off when they were working hard. 
15h
Black man: we profiteers, not rescuers or explorers. No one: listens to him actually making sense. 
15h
Wakey, wakey John Hurt. You've got a tough road ahead of you in this movie. 
15h
Jerry Goldsmith, RIP. That man is a legend in both period adventure scores and horror/sci-fi. 
15h
Although I haven't seen the theatrical cut in years, I'm going to go with the Director's Cut. Ridley calls them adjustments. 
15h
 gave me a disc with options and special features? It's like they actually want to keep their customers or something. 
15h
Live tweeting of . This is happening within the next few minutes. I apologize for the feed spam.  
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